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Archive for the 'Horror' Category

Where we start with...THE FACT THAT WE ARE NOMINATED IN THE PODCAST AWARDS!!! TY!!!! Then we read a review. Thanks Chris of The Nerdbliss Podcast, (link below). And after that we get into the new intro Jason made (love it man, can't wait to use it...every week...) THEN Evan brings us "Hey There...Part 3: The Fingering". After that we hear the outtakes of a certain cannibal's most famous line, then Evan reveals some deep, dark family secrets; we realize you only need 3 things in life; Evan gets some head in a bathroom...admit it..you're not surprised... And we close with another edition of SUPERBEASTS!!!! 

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P.S.-Kids, if you listen....don't tell Jason that we're not using his intro.

 

Listen to the Nerdbliss Podcast here!

 

P.P.S. - Here's what Evan saw in the bathroom!!!

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Where we start with an outtake (sue us, it's funny). Then we start the show proper with a shout out to The Vitamin D Podcast and some sage pod-wisdom. After that, we get into Friday the 13th...THE GAME.....or more specifically...THE BROKEN EXCUSE FOR A GAME!!!! After THAT, we talk Saint's Row 3 and how with just the right amount of sass, you too can be useless in a gun fight, then we realize that some of the saviors of our great nation really should be commended...but are also dicks. That leads to talk of birthday presents and where you stick certain things into birthday presents, bad gifts, gifts from a-holes, Jason brings us a thoughtful piece about what future characters a certain grizzled actor (Harrison Ford) will revisit and Evan brings a NEW GAME called, "WOULD YOU F*UCK IT?" experimenting on how much we will let slide if the object of our affection starts off SMOKING HOT!!!

 

Check out The Vitamin D Podcast Here

 

See our video of Saints Row 3 Here

 

P.S-Kids if you listen...two words....SPINDLY FINGERSSSSSS!!!! 

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Where we start with another shout out to Screaming Soup. Jason is once again the voice of the Toxic Avenger (New ep linked below).

After that, Evan brings some more old stuff he wrote that we mercilessly mock, we talk about the passing of Roger Moore and Chris Cornell and what WE would do if we auto-erotic-asphyxiated. We play another round of "Pitch That Show" where Evan randomly mixes actors and scenarios and he must "PITCH THAT SHOW!"

Then we watch a loudwire video featuring a dude who thinks he totally whooped GG Allin's ass, then realized you should never be close to GG Allin's ass.... Jason bring the McDonalds commercial showing what the Brits think we South Carolinians are like. And we discover that sometimes, having an online career as a food critic doesn't require experience.

P.S.-Kids, if you listen, George Takei will haunt you....

 

See the new Screaming Soup episode here!

 

See the Loudwire list video here!

 

See Food Review UK here!

(Below: Evan as an Apple Tree, or Frank from "Donnie Darko")

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Where we start with a scary story from Jason.... well, less scary, more a-guy-needed-help-and-Jason-pussed-out-and-bolted... then we talk about the Greenville Little Theatre's 24 Hr Play Festival, and how Evan predicted the future!

We taste test a spicy butterfinger, then we get all "CSI" on some vomit. Jason brings a new meme-inspired game called "Describe Yourself in 3 Fictional Characters", except Evan randomly picks them and must justify these Awful Characters. Round 1 is below:

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And finally Evan brings a passage from maybe the best book ever and we critique it.

 

P.S.-Kids, if you listen, we will nonchalantly tell you your girlfriend is dead.

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Where we start with Jason gettin all sensitive and sh*t as he confesses to some good ole man-tears at the movies. During that conversation we also discover Evan will tolerate A LOT on his food.... THEN we get back into the Vigilant Christian and how he is not gonna take any of our evil (he has never heard of us).

And we play an honest-to-god boardgame that Jason invented many moons ago.

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Speaking of many moons ago, we also hear a horror story Jason wrote, when he was 13, about being trapped in an old man's house. THEN we close out with another edition of Cupids Corner!!! Samuel Jackson shows up for some reason!

P.S.-Kids, if you listen, well just don't run away.

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Where we start with discussion of last week AND our revalation that Yes, Margaret, there was a 'Diagnosis Murder'/'Matlock' Crossover.... and it involved alot of beckoning children towards the light....

 

Then we offer some other light 80's TV show mashups, making them somewhat less 80s and more.... just...just no...

 

THEN, Jason brings us a clip of Mike Rowe on QVC circa 1992, being downright crushed by life and then we ask, "What would be the QVC program we would ALL watch?" Answer: Honest QVC (H-QVC)

 

P.S.-Kids, if you listen, we will macabrely folk sing you into the grave!

Watch the Diagnosis Murder/Matlock song here

 

Watch the Mike Rowe video Here

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Where we (sigh) leave Halloween behind, but we still manage to talk about some scary movies and our own personal Halloweens!!! Jason talks "Event Horizon", Evan talks "They Look Like People"... the non-monkey version... then we get back into the movie, "Rings".

 
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In honor of the NEW Dr. Strange we watch the trailer for the OG Dr. Strange, which leads us to hearing Tom Brokaw give us the lowdown on some old school flicks in only the way he can.THEN we close out with a round of: SUPERBEAST!
 
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P.S.- Kids, if you listen, a monocled black widow will caw at you.

 

See the Dr Strange trailer here
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Happy Halloween Month!
Week 5

Where we start by reminding everyone about our "Impersonate The Bearded Ones" contest. And every entry will get a "Loot Envelope"!
Evan gives Jason the best Halloween costume.
Jason brings an old audio clip from last Halloween, which at first sounds like kids yelling at a clown, but ends up sounding very different. "Listen to FUTURE CLOWN, I'm trying to help you! AHH!!!"
 
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Jason and Evan were brought down a peg or 2 because they talk about their experience being featured in the latest Cracked article, "11 Quirky Photos of Improv Groups (That Will Make You Furious.)" 
Jason brings another quiz where he asks Evan:
"How Well Do YOU Know the "Rings" Trailer?"
We talk about "Zombeavers" and "Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2" and how Leatherface was quite the ladies man. We find a list of the WORST Halloween costumes. (Bert & Ernie never looked so terrifying)
 
And we close out with a video of a woman petting her Raven, but when you close your eyes, it sounds completely different!

LIVE 200th EPISODE TICKET INFO HERE!

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/stand-up-comedy-from-christian-rodriguez-baton-rouge-erich-laux-ann-arbor-marc-staudenmaier-tickets-28448432026

Coffee Underground (Greenville S.C.) November 4th 10:30pm set. We will be recording live after four awesome comedians, Christian Rodriguez, Erich Laux, Marc Staudenmaier, & L. Michelle! Come out for them, stay for us!!


Read the Cracked article HERE!
http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-most-punchable-thing-in-world-improv-group-photos/

Watch the "Rings" trailer HERE!

Watch the "Petting Raven" video HERE!

P.S. - Kids if you listen, Future Clown won't try to save you.
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Happy Halloween Month!
Week 3

Where Jason gives Evan a run down of his Mwaa Haa Haaas over the past few Halloween episodes, and then Evan gives Jason a taste of Jolly Ole England (thanks Catherine)!!! Then Jason gives Evan another Horror Quiz, this time slowed down!!!! Then Evan brings another bracket to the table, this time, we ask the question, "Which Fallen Pop Culture Icon would make the best Horror Movie Villain?"!!!

P.S.-Kids, if you listen.... there is a thing...it is called... MARMITE!!!!

Don't forget to email your impressions/scripts to beardedonespodcast@gmail.com!!!
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Happy Halloween Month!
Week 2

Where we start with "pride"... by that we mean, "begging for your submissions to the Evan and Jason impression contest".... we know you're out there. THEN we get into tree-babies...skeery...amateur stuntmen and their amateur ends... and how you can end a party very effectively, as long as you have no sense of what's appropriate.

 
Evan talks about "The X-Files" and how critics can get lost in their own semi-cleverness, and Jason asks the question, "Why didn't Chucky pull a "Red Paperclip" scenario in 'Child's Play'?"
 
We play a game where Jason challenges Evan to identify if these quotes are the last words of dying patients, death row convicts or "Scooby Doo" characters.
AND
Jason, once again, reads from his douchey Livejournal. This time only posts from October's past. Just a scant.... well... ten years ago. And we see how much he has matured in a decade.. because at some point, he finally learned how to drop the S-bomb.

P.S.-Kids, if you listen, Jason will give you a stern, but not cussy stern, talking to.
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